When faced with the terrifying prospect of a democratically-elected leader who has been blatantly encouraging the legislative body of this country to improve living conditions for millions of Americans who are not necessarily me at this very moment, I can no longer hold my tongue. I hereby join the right-wing blogosphere, and will therefore no longer abide the tyranny of civilized debate, common sense, or grammar.
My first order of business is to report something that may not be based in fact, but has its roots in the higher truths of innuendo and outright slander.
Item 1: So you know how Comrade Czar Obama Binn Laden refuses to release his birth certificate and plan to steal all your privately-funded Medicare dollars and give them to illegal immigrants with names that real Americans can't pronounce? Well, did you know this? I heard that he once made a remark to a white woman of a sexual nature.
Item 2: So you know how those FACISTs Hairy Reed and Nanny-state Pelosy want to murder old white people with their death panels and stuff? Well, did you know this? I heard that when Obama speaks to white men, he doesn't always say "sir" to them.
Item 3: So you know how Obama is trying to turn America into a NAZI COMMUNIST CZARIST SOCIALIST HITLER-ISH STALINIST ISLAMIC TERRORIST-RUN ACORN-FRIENDLY state and it takes a real American hero like that guy who used to work for Strom Thurmond to bring some media attention to the levelheaded opposition by interrupting the President and calling him a liar during his address to Congress? Well, did you know this? Obama is secretly an outside agitator who came to this country just to stir up resentment among our own well-meaning minority populations.
In the meantime, please enjoy some images of my well-informed brethren at play. Their side has silly people who protest using puppets and strongly-worded t-shirts, and those people rightly went to jail for daring to contradict God's Own President, our savior who kept the world safe for 8 long years (with only a few minor exceptions). But on our side, the white people out there protesting are the base! That's why we get to carry guns to events involving Satan's Favorite President, a guy who ran the whole country into the ground in only 8 months. Because he's not one of us! We just want our country back! No mere election or public opinion poll should stand in our way of getting what we want!
Remember, only you can prevent this great nation becoming a confederacy of dunces.